Italy

I loved Italy before I ever went there because I grew up loving Serie A in general, which is the Italian football league, and AC Milan more specifically. Before every game on Swedish television they showed a guide to the city where the match was being played and it seemed like a dream environment. The passion for football, food like pizza and pasta and the nice weather and old beautiful buildings, everything resonated with me. So it was like a dream come true when me and my friends Johan and Pidor went to the capital Rome in our early 20's. We rented an apartment in the city and as soon as we hit the streets, we stumbled upon the main tourist attraction called the Colosseum. It was grand but it was more interesting from outside than inside though.




One night we had a pre party in the apartment and we poured vodka in a melon and then just swiped the glass through the melon to get ourselves something similar to a drink. That was until the glass broke in the melon during the swipe. We took that as our signal to go out partying instead and we went into a cab and said "take us to the party!". The driver couldn't speak much English and he was more scared of us being sloppy with our drinks that we had brought with us. In the end he seemed to understand that we wanted to go party and he drove us to a place, and we went out. It was a strip club, and we were like "no, we want to go to a party, not a strip club!". The bouncer at the place seemed to understand us better and so he got to translate for the cab driver that we didn't want to see naked ladies, we just wanted to party. Now the cab driver seemed to understand and we went into the cab again. When we arrived at the next stop the first thing we saw was a gigantic sperm on a sign that said Gay Village. So I guess you're gay in Italy if you don't want to pay to see naked ladies. Even though it was not exactly what we were looking for, we stayed since our motto for the trip was "why not?" and we had a blast! The next day when we went into the cab to go out party again we said "Gay Village, please!".

MTV had a festival in town and so we went and I remember I had my passport in my back pocket to be able to prove my age if I needed to. We didn't know the festival was free for everybody and that nobody checked the age. I was scared of someone knicking my passport so I checked for it all the time, to see if it was still there because we would soon continue our trip to another country so I would definitely need it.

The next day I woke up hungover and the first thing I checked was for my passport to be in my bag where I should have put it when I came home last night. Pidor and Johan were still asleep and I panicked when I couldn't find the passport, but at the same time I didn't want to wake them up. I took a shower and I felt so helpless, they would have to go on without me and I didn't even know what I could do to get back to Sweden without a passport. Pidor and Johan had woken up because of the noise from the shower and I told them that someone must have stolen my passport at the festival. We looked for a Swedish embassy in Rome on a map we had got and I was feeling so bad. Oh well, I took my bag to get something from it and there it was, the passport had been right in front of my eyes in the bag all the time. I must have tried to find it so hard that I had missed it because of it. I had never felt so relieved! Now I could join the rest of the trip and we were about to go to the airport when I discovered we had got it all wrong, we actually had another day in Rome. We were so young and clueless!

Many, many years later I returned with my ex-girlfriend Felicia since I had liked Rome last time I was there. I also wanted to see the Vatican this time around so we choose to stay at an apartment close to the pope. We had just two days in the ancient city and the first day we walked and walked but we couldn't find any of the stuff that I remembered from the previous trip. It was just empty streets of nothing and it didn't feel like we were in the city center at all. It was a big disappointment and Felicia couldn't get why I had liked it so much in the first place.

The second day we walked to the Bocca Della Veritá (Mouth Of Truth) but I lie so much that I was too scared to put my hand in its mouth to see if I got my hand cut off by it by not being truthful.




Then we went to the Cestius Pyramid to get the feeling of being in Egypt before we found the Colosseum. 




Finally we got into the city center and my memories from the last trip got back to me, and finally I understood what I had thought been so great about the city. One thing I had regret by not seeing last time was the grand fountain called Fontana Di Trevi so this time I would make sure to see it. It wasn’t the grand view that I had expected since it was now a building site because of the renovation of it. So instead we walked to a park of ancient ruins in central Rome which accidentally had become a home for homeless cats in Rome. And even though I despise cats I could still enjoy this, since it was so weird and unplanned, and I enjoyed the fact that they embraced the cats there instead of trying to get rid of them.

I and my ex then left Rome as a couple again but that’s another story which I will tell you about in another post, because we became a couple while we were in a different country on the border of Italy, can you guess which? It's Europes smallest country.

I and Felicia had already been to Italy before, some years before the trip to Rome. That time we went to Sicily with boat from Malta as a birthday gift from Felicia to me, one of the best gifts I’ve ever got. Sicily is the big island in southern Italy that looks like the football that the shoe is kicking if you have seen a map of Italy. We went on a guided bus tour around the island and the first thing I saw was a sign that said “Lapdance & pizza”, and I thought the combination was so funny.

The famous movie trilogy The Godfather with Don Vito Corleone as the mafia boss that has roots from Sicily has made Sicily famous as a mafia place for people all around the world. It’s also reality for the people of Sicily since the mafia has had a lead role for hundreds of years on the island. The only experience I had of the mafia while I visited was that I bought a The Godfather T-shirt in a souvenir shop.


Me striking a pose high above the clouds


Then we went to the still active volcano Etna, but she remained calm while we were there. It was amazing to be over the clouds for the first time without being in an airplane. But the thing I would remember most from Sicily is actually the Russian tour guide called Anna. She made us laugh the entire trip without trying to, and the best part was when she started talking about her husband and that she longed for him and then she started to moan like she had sex with him. She was so strange and so loveable.


I'm a red dot in the volcano landscape of Etna


The best city of Italy is Milano and I and my friend Andreas went there about a year ago. We went to the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele and it didn’t take long before we saw what Milano is most famous for, the models. Some amateur model tried to make it big by posing in the gallery and it was equally tragic as fun.

Nearby is the Duomo Cathedral which is the most famous tourist spot in town. It was almost impossible to be there because it was invaded by people who tried to sell you strange stuff. One guy went up to us and tried to give us uncooked macaroni straight from his hand, we said no thanks, and he said “it’s for free!”. I don’t want free macaroni from a strangers hand. Then a guy with an African accent came by and asked us if we wanted to go the best party ever, but when he said that we would wake up in Africa we got a bit doubtful.




Milano was full of classy bars and of course we found the only bar in town that seem made for tragic people. The beer was cheap and people mostly went there as a pre party but we made it our place for the whole evening, mostly because I think you will meet the most interesting people in places like this. We met two guys there who weren’t interesting at all but at least they knew Paolo Maldini’s son. Paolo Maldini was one of my favorite players from AC Milan when I was growing up. I remember Paolo has never been drinking alcohol in his whole life because he wanted to perform at his highest level, so it was quite funny that his son was now a club promoter. We never got to the arena San Siro where AC Milan plays their games but just to know that I was in the same town was good enough for me. I also met my Italian twin brother from another mother outside the cheap bar, maybe I will try and find a twin in every country from now on.




I and Andreas also went on a 3 hour train ride to Rimini from Milano to go to the beach. Rimini is known for its endless beaches and maybe it’s magical in the summer but when we were there in May it was just tragic. The beaches were empty except for endless empty sunbeds and soon the rain was falling down.




It felt like we were in a boring ghost town and the pool at the hotel was just an empty hole since they hadn’t even filled it with water yet. The next day the sun was shining at least and we invited ourselves to the only party that was held on the beach by people who were dancing salsa or something. We then went into the town where we met some students at a bar and finally we found some people in the empty city. We saw a shitty band and then we made the singer of the band our human jukebox and he could play almost every song we ever asked him too. It escalated when he played Space Oddity with David Bowie and we then started to count 10-9-8… etc. in every song he ever played after that, at every possible moment, and we thought it was so funny every time. I guess alcohol helps you to have fun sometimes, even in the most boring places!

* Best things about Italy – the passion for all great things in life like food and football, and the cities are vibrant and modern at the same time as they cherish their history
* Most mediocre thing about Italy – great food like pasta and pizza are associated with Italy but most other countries do better versions of it, because Italians wants to keep it too simple
* Worst things about Italy – it's hard to find anything really bad with Italy except for that you will never be left alone in the streets because everybody is trying to sell you junk, and don't go to Rimini off season, and never trust a taxi driver

Best countries in the world according to the nerd (will be updated with every post):

1. Andorra
2. Cyprus
3. Greece
4. Italy
5. Iceland
6. Denmark
7. Ireland
8. Belgium
9. Estonia
10. Finland
11. France
12. Bulgaria
13. Bosnia And Herzegovina
14. Albania

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